5 Signs You’re About To Have An Emotional Breakdown
From someone who is on the edge herself
I could’ve titled this post 5 Signs You’re Actually Having A Breakdown but what good would that do you, dear reader? I doubt scrolling through a Medium post would be your lightbulb moment anyway.
Aha! After reading this, I realize I have truly lost my marbles. Thanks for making me aware, Sarah!
Mmm. Highly doubtful.
Like finding ‘the one’ or a bad oyster, when you know, you know.
A typical breakdown looks like no longer being able to tell up from down, left from right, where you are, how you got there, or who the hell that person in the mirror is.
Sounds like you? Congratulations. Pat yourself on the back. Not many people truly get to see themselves unravel like a dropped ball of yarn tumbling across the living room floor.
Now’s the time to call yourself a therapist and start making a scarf out of that life-yarn. Or maybe knit some socks. A nice sweater? Mittens? I dunno. You do you, boo.
As for those of you who can still find yourself on the map but might have lost all sense of cardinal direction, there is good news. With a little self awareness, crisis mode major can be avoided.
I’m speaking from experience.
Seven years ago, I lost my shit. Lost it. Couldn’t find it. Fully unraveled. Completely. The results were brutal. I massacred personal relationships with periods of extreme neediness followed by cruel dismissal. My inconsistency almost cost me my ability to graduate college. And I made a serious fool of myself through my erratic behavior — sobbing in public, screaming in public, drinking in public. Basically being a hot mess. In public.
Looking back on that time in my life, I can see down the tracks that lead to my train wreck. Little warning signs were posted along the way which signaled my bad days and bad habits were compounding.
Thank the heavens for self reflection, amiright?
Fast forward to present day. I’m writing this as I’ve blown past most of the warning signs. I am still the kind of person who runs ten miles past the line in the sand before realizing I’ve gone too far. But with a few deep breaths and some practice in self awareness, I’ve looked up in time to see the warning lights and notice the sirens blaring as I approach the railroad crossing.
Just in time.
So here you go. From a girl on the edge to you, dear reader…
The five signs you’re about to have an emotional breakdown:
1.) Substance abuse
Not to go all D.A.R.E. on you but if you’re using snacks, drinks, or drugs to self-soothe at an unusual frequency and it’s starting to feel out of control, then you might be nearing a breakdown.
But you might just be having a bad day. A bad week. However, if it starts to feel like the Friends theme song and you’re approaching a month or even a year (definitely a year), it’s time for some introspection.
A breakdown happens, in my un-professional opinion, when you feel like you’ve lost control of so many things that everything feels out of control. And then, when something big comes along, you simply can’t even.
2.) Literally everything sucks
When something good or even great happens to you and your emotional reaction is similar to that of the Zoloft blob, I’d recommend pausing to ask yourself what’s going on.
I recently got a raise. A nice raise. I’d been complaining about my low salary for over a year. I should’ve been popping bottles and dancing like the red dress lady emoji. Instead I called my dad as I left work, told him the news, and went home to watch TV on the couch with my dog. Which is definitely a fine reaction but not for me. I celebrate the shit out of things. Queue the warning signals #trafficalert #accidentahead
This also applies to everyday things you used to like, still like in theory, but can’t muster the enthusiasm or energy to do.
3.) Making decisions is hard
While tied closely to ‘literally everything sucks,’ the inability to recognize what you want or need is a unique problem. I’m not talking the classic, What do you want for dinner? / I don’t know., conversation had by couples everywhere. I’m talking about feeling paralyzed or apathetic about big decisions in your life because you have no idea what you want the outcome to be or, worse, don’t care.
Noticing this warning sign in myself was my first major clue that something was more wrong than usual this go around. However, at this phase of a pending breakdown, I rarely stop at crippling indecisiveness. I charge straight down the tracks. The lights start flashing. Bad decisions ahead
Side note: again, not a professional, but I think some people live this way for a long time and it turns out to be clinical depression. This is something to get true medical treatment for. Glennon Doyle sings a beautiful version of Jesus Loves Me which goes, “Jesus loves me, this I know. Because he gave me Lexapro.” So if this is you, take care of yourself however you need to.
And in full transparency, I have consulted with my therapist(s) on whether or not I have a whole collection of mental illnesses I’ve been self-diagnosed with over the years. The list includes but is not limited to major depression, bipolar disorder, manic depressiveness, and sociopathy. I test negative for everything. Turns out I’m just human. And a Gemini.
4.) Being a crazy person (not to be confused with a Gemini)
When your behavior starts impacting those around you in a major way, pump the breaks. It’s fine to be a little grumpy, a little clingy, a little sad, a little human. Actually, it’s great. Please be those things in public so we all get a daily reminder that it’s good to feel.
But when you start lashing out, acting erratically, pushing and pulling on those around you things are at a tipping point.
Recognize too that there are levels of escalation to this. I can get real crazy to my partner and to my best friends. But when I can’t pull it back and end up showing that side to my parents, we’re getting close. And when I bring that energy with me to work, we are at the edge.
I recently told my boss I was going to quit with no job and become a bagger at WholeFoods…
5.) Distancing yourself
The final step, for me, in losing my mind is when I realize I’m totally out of control and I withdraw from the world completely.
It’s like I’m the Bad Genie from Aladdin and I know I’m wreaking havoc so I suck myself back into the lamp to avoid doing anymore damage.
Where we choose to go from here is everything. My hope for anyone in this phase is that, when you look in the mirror, you can feel compassion for the person looking back at you.
Know that the distancing phase is the result of a judgment you’ve placed on your own self.
What would it feel like to give yourself grace and let that go a little bit? What possibilities would be available to you then?
Today I gave myself grace. I gave myself permission to feel as lost as I wanted to. Letting go of the need to control my lostness calmed the clawing, clinging part of me.
In that calming, I was able to see the tools I’d had all along: things like a slow deep breath, writing, meditation. My tools. Independent of my friends, my family, my partner. Mine. Just what I need to stop the descent and start the slow climb back.
What’s next for this girl on the edge? Therapy. I see some things in myself that I need help to work through. Professional help. And deep breaths. The rest is just the practice we call living.
