The Myriad of Leadership Conversations — Part Six: ‘What’ and now ‘How’
Welcome to the final part of a six-part series of blogs on ‘The Myriad of Leadership Conversations’. Part one was on the in-school colleague conversational position of coaching; part two explored its close colleague mentoring; part three was the final in-school colleague conversational position of ‘Leading’; part four was whole school or group or team conversational positions that leaders adopt that I called ‘Whole-School Leadership Conversations’, which I’ve now reframed as ‘Collective Colleague Conversations’; and part five explored the range of Stakeholder Conversations leaders are likely to be having.
As a quick overview/review, it is likely that the more ‘formal’ ends of each of the continuums explored may well operate in isolation. However, it is highly likely that in many conversational interactions the leader may not only move within the continuum of any of the conversational positions but across the different positions, and it is highly appropriate to do so. I would suggest though that leaders would have greater positive impact when they are deliberately moving both within and across ‘conversational positions’ as opposed to it happening by accident.
This is in no way meant to demean the quality and skills of leaders. It is an observation as to the complexity of interactions in the complex adaptive systems schools are, as identified in my first post, and the often time-poor situations within which the conversations are held. In these situations, leaders are likely to default to those approaches they know best and are well developed. Whilst, training in coaching and coaching approaches has significantly increased in recent years, these are still more likely to be in the Leader and Mentor area than the Coaching conversational position, and in the more formal ends of the continuum. I would suggest that when under pressure, time and/or performance, leaders are more likely to adopt these positions.
So far, I have covered the WHAT of the Myriad of Leadership Conversations, and so for my final post (at this stage!) I am going to explore the HOW. How might we get better at having all of the Myriad of Leadership Conversations. Whilst I am a strong believer that there is rarely, if ever, THE answer, as much as people want and hope there is, AN answer I’ve been diving deep into during the course of 2017 is Conversational Intelligence® C-IQ for short.
So, firstly a bit of background to what C-IQ is, and then I’ll share an overview of the Conversational Essentials.
Conversational Intelligence® (C-IQ)
“Conversational Intelligence® is the hardwired, and learnable ability, to connect, navigate and grow with others — a necessity in building healthier and more resilient organizations in the face of change. C-IQ begins with trust, and ends with a high quality relationship and business success.” Judith Glaser
C-IQ is about connecting, navigating and growing WITH others. C-IQ provides a new innovative framework for understanding how conversations shape our relationships, partnerships, our culture and our reality. C-IQ introduces new frameworks and tools for creating higher levels of trust, of activating higher levels of engagement, strengthening partnerships, and catalyzing co-creation and innovation in relationships, teams and cultures. As we build trust with others, we strengthen our ability to EXPRESS our inner thoughts and feelings — which strengthens our relationships and creates mutual success.
Conversational Intelligence is based on Neuroscience Research specifically the Neuroscience of Conversations. C-IQ provides us with deep understanding about how every conversation has an impact — and as we learn about our conversational patterns, we are able to ‘Architect, Deconstruct, and shape our conversations with others, one conversation at a time!’
Conversational Essentials
In her work, over more than three decades in a variety of sectors, Judith E. Glaser identified that there are five Conversational Essentials, and I’ll start by exploring the overarching mindset required to use the Conversational Essentials, Being Open to Influence. The following description of the Conversational Essentials is adapted from Judith’s work.
Being Open to Influence
The key elements of this overarching mindset the following are:
· We are open to deeply hearing to what others say without filtering it through our own agendas
· We let go of being right and find the most powerful answers and insights in the process of connecting, co-creating and synthesizing ideas
· We ask questions for which we have no answers
· We encourage expression without expectation
· We enable a neutral mind set so we can hear what others are saying or thinking
1. Listening to Connect
This is an Essential overarching internal action that leaders endeavour to practice in all moments of Conversational Intelligence. This is achieved through:
· Not judging, confirming or rejecting, is a way of listening to the other person with a focus on them, not me. It’s bigger than listening to understand — which is more about listening to confirm what you know
· Listening to connect is about focusing your attention on the other person:
o What are they trying to say?
o What are they thinking?
o What are they hoping you will help them explore?
o Connect to their ‘world’ and explore their world
2. Asking Questions for Which You Have No Answers
This is an Essential of external action and overarching framework guiding C-IQ practice. Too often, we ask questions to guide people to where we want them to go. That is felt by others as leading questions and can be interpreted as manipulation, putting people on guard, and activating our distrust networks. Key elements here are:
· When we ask questions for which we have no answers, we are in a mindset of discovery and others feel this as inquisitive and curious. This puts people into a co-creating, trusting and receptive state of mind
· Our goal is to help others with whom we interact to discover their own meanings and self-awareness, thus Asking Questions for Which You Have No Answers opens and expands the conversational space for a completely new reality to emerge for you and others
· This C-IQ Essential activates a process of co-regulation between you and others you are communicating with — around ‘discovery’. Together you create a space that activates new thought networks in the prefrontal cortex of you and with whomever you are communicating
3. Priming for Trust
This Essential is like the foundation of the C-IQ house.
Without actively Priming for Trust no other essential or tool will be effective and we can’t build a solid house.
There are ways to Prime for Trust:
· It begins with asking yourself questions to shift your awareness toward a trusting conversation. To help you prime for TRUST, reflect and co-create responses to the following questions:
· How can I create a safe environment?
· Can I be more transparent about desired outcomes and share threats that may stand in the way?
· What actions, thoughts or words will enable the other person to shift from protect to partner?
· How can I establish rapport?
· How can I establish a ‘power-with others’ context?
· What actions, thoughts or words will enable us to listen to connect and relax judgment and ignite a sense of co-creation?
· What actions, thoughts, or words will bridge between our realities?
· What can we say to reduce conflict and open a view of what mutual success looks like?
· How can I approach the people or person I am interacting with caring, candour, and courage?
· Can we identify Reality Gaps, and stay open to test assumptions?
· Can I/we stay in Share and Discover — listen to connect and be open to change our minds?
4. Sustaining Conversational Agility
If Priming for Trust is seen as the foundation of the C-IQ house then Conversational Agility is the roof over the house built by all the Essentials. Without Conversational Agility, one cannot move into different types of conversations with ease and co-create in harmony.
When a conflict is brewing, pattern interrupting using Reframe, Refocus and Redirect is a powerful way to build the Conversational Agility muscle.
· Refocus — Change your perspective from tactical details to strategic big picture or vice versa.
· Reframe — Move from a negative to a positive or learning experience; move into lessons learned and challenges to be solved to change the emotional energy from negative to positive
· Redirect — Guide and direct the focus to a different place in the story to allow time and space for possibility thinking to occur
5. Double-Clicking
This is the Essential strategy. It’s is an effective way to ask questions for which you have no answers. It is an excellent strategy to use with all of the tools and a way to ask all of your questions.
· As one double-clicks it reveals the deeper meanings held by oneself and others
· Through double-clicking, we can better understand how we see the world and how others see the world
· We gain clarity and understanding of what triggers us but also gain understanding of others perspective, their deeply held beliefs, and their points of view
· By double-clicking people make discoveries and personalize their own meaning
· Use the Double-Click C-IQ tool to activate the process of discovery thus increasing Conversational Agility
· Simple yet powerful examples of some basic double-click questions to insert repeatedly by asking:
o “What does that mean?”
o “What else?”
Final Thoughts
This is only a brief exploration of one of the C-IQ frameworks but I believe by mastering Conversational Intelligence, leaders will find that conversations are easier to have, even when conversations are difficult conversations. Learning to talk in a way where they listen to you, and you listen to them.
So, that is the end of the journey so far in both exploring the Myriad of Leadership Conversations that occur on a daily basis and the introduction to C-IQ that enable leaders to have ‘better conversations’ wherever they are on the Myriad.
As always, I welcome feedback of all sorts and aim to publish a much more detailed piece of work around all of this in 2018 — wish me luck!
